I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
