My nipple is on Facebook.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
