We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
