my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There r osticjed everywhere
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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