All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
