wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
