CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
