you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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