make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
