I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
