He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
