i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
