Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
