Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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