so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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