The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
