Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
