Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
