She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
