if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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