She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
