I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
