Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
