This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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