so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
