Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
