I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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