I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
