I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
