just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this beer tastes like vomit already
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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