whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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