No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
