hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
