i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
