Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
