He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
