Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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