remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
