i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
