Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i believe in u and ur pee
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
