Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
