The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
