I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
