I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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