have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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