i don't like sucking hair
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
