were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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