i love accidental penises.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
