i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
