Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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