Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
