I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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