"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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