physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
