It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
