You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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