So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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